Reviewing the script.

Venice 2017.06.22, written by Kuna.

This past week, I started reviewing all the four scenes of Serenade written so far. I’ll cover up all the editing I’m working on.

  • Balanced the narration-dialogue a bit more. Influenced by some RPGs I liked, and not being particularly found of my prose skills, I initially thought of Serenade as dialogue sequences among characters. I would introduce Kairi’s thoughts insight only after the four-scenes prologue, choice that made the game beginning a bit awkward and, I believe, not easy to understand as well. Today I came to think that total 3rd person scenes are not so okay for Serenade.
  • Inserted comedy in Kujikawa arc as well. At first it was reserved to the Tokyo arc, as Kujikawa was going to be the “serious city”, but after a deep reflection I thought of dropping this rule and inserted more comedy in the prologue. In my opinion, comedy makes the emotions go high as much as melancholic situations do, so I’d like Serenade to have both in equal weight.
  • Remember this location? It’s now an interactive background players can click and explore to gather information.
  • Choices have been implemented in scene 3 (although they are yet to be coded).
  • Teru’s personality has been changed. I had it returned to how he was originally portrayed. Meaning I went back to the original first draft of the story of Serenade and changed his role from a sly one to a sincere one. Why is that? Because I realized that his new personality clashed with the story. Has this decision many consequences on the work already done? Almost none, fortunately. : D I’m also relieved that I can trash some dialogues I wasn’t convinced of at all.

Many changes in just few days of review but it feels better off this way. Now I can think of the story as a more solid one. 

Another thing I would like to talk of is the structure of the prologue. As previously hinted it’s made of four scenes (plus a 0 one) and they are kind of alternated one to the other. More or less it works this way:

Apart from scene 3 that will have “consequences” later in the story, scene 0 directly affect scene 2, and scene 1 does the same with scene 4. It’s not a matter of player’s choices, more like a matter of player’s understanding of the event. In both cases the same event will be seen by two different points in time, letting the player put the pieces together. This is what it should result in game terms. In writing process this means every couple of scene is interconnected so I need to decide well which detail will be revealed in which part.